Joke Time!

Father & Sister
pinatawag ni father si sister sa kanyang opisina...
Sister: Pinapatawag nyo raw po ako father?
Father: Oo sister. pumasok ka. Isara mo yang pinto at i-lock mo.
Sister: Tungkol po ba saan ang pag-uusapan natin father?
Father: Isara mo yung mga bintana at kurtina tapos patayin mo ang ilaw.
Sister: Father, kung ano man po yang binabalak nyo, wag nyo pong itutuloy. Mag@g@lit ho ang dyos!
Father: Basta gawin mo ang inuutos ko!
(ginawa nga ni sister ang utos)
Father: Ayan, ngayon, lumapit ka sister.
Sister: Wag po father, wag po!
Father: LAPIT!!!
(lumapit si sister at...)
Father: Tignan mo tong bago kong rosaryo o, glow-in-the- dark!

si pedro nagdala ng kodigo sa iksam nila at nakita ng titser...

titser: pedro, ano iyan
pedro: prayers poh ma'm

nakita ng titser na hindi prayers ang nakalagay kundi mga answers..

titser: hindi ito prayers, anwers ito
pedro:huh???? hala!, himala ma'm, sinagot na ang mga prayers ko....

Guro: sino si Jose Rizal?
Juan: Di ko po kilala.
Guro: Ikaw Pepe?
Pepe: Di rin po.
Guro: Di nyo kilala si Jose Rizal?
Pedro: Ma'm, baka po sa kabilang section sya.

Husband: Kung di ako makaligtas sa operasyon ko bukas, ikaw na sana
ang bahala sa lahat lahat...I LOVE YOU
Wife: Tumigil ka! wala pang namamatay sa TULI


AMO: day, gamitin mo itong chalk pamatay ng ipis, sulat mo sa pader.
Maid: yis ati!
NEXT DAY
... nagulat ang amo, nakasulat sa pader:
EPES MAMATAY KAUNG LAHAT! SYET PAKYO

Pedro: Pare galing ako sa doctor, nakabili na ako ng hearing aid...
Grabe ang lakas na ng pandinig ko!
Juan:tlaga?!?! Magkano bili mo?
Pedro: Kahapon lang...


Katrina: Doc, pa check up po.
Doc OB: Sige hubad ka ng panty at bra, tapos higa ka.
Katrina: Hindi po ako, itong lola ko po.
Doc OB: Sige lola, hinga na lang ng malalim...

My Pet Bird

There was this guy, nude, sunbathing on a beach and reading a newspaper?!...
Then he saw a little girl coming to him, so he had to cover his **** right away.
Little girl: What do you have there?
Guy replied: Ha... just my pet bird!

So… the little girl left, then the guy fell to sleep.
When he woke up, he was exhausting with pain in a nearby hospital...
And the detective arrive to ask him what had happened.
Guy replied: I don't know, but I talked to a little girl before I fall asleep.
Detective: What does she looked like?

So the guy give the description and the detective did his job and found the little girl...
Detective: What did you do to that man?
Little girl: I saw him sunbathing and he told me he has a bird, so I left.
Then I return coz i want to play his pet bird.
But when I was playing with it, suddenly it spit into my hands.
So I broke it's neck, burnt it’s nest, and broke it’s eggs....

Q1: What is the planet named after a part of your body?
Ans: Uranus
Q2: Who is the older brother of Julius Caesar?
Ans: KUYA CAESAR

BILL: LET'S HELP ONE ANOTHER

ERAP: TAYOY MAGTULUNGAN

BILL: LET'S STRIVE TOGETHER

ERAP: TAYO'Y MAGSIKAP

BILL: BECAUSE IN UNION THERE IS STRENGTH

ERAP: SAPAGKAT SA SIBUYAS MAY TITIGAS'

Iceman wrote:BILL: LET'S HELP ONE ANOTHER

ERAP: TAYOY MAGTULUNGAN

BILL: LET'S STRIVE TOGETHER

ERAP: TAYO'Y MAGSIKAP

BILL: BECAUSE IN UNION THERE IS STRENGTH

ERAP: SAPAGKAT SA SIBUYAS MAY TITIGAS'

Kataw-anan...hahahah...

Phone

There
are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club after
a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole. Suddenly a
mobile phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up,
and the following conversation ensues:

(H - Husband, W - Wife)

H - "Hello?"

W - "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
H - "Yes."

W
- "Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a
beautiful leather coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"

H - "What's the price?"

W - "Only $1,000."

H - "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."

W
- "Ahhh, BTW and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the
2007 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and
he gave me a really good price...and since we need to exchange the BMW
that we bought last year..."

H - "What price did he quote you?"

W - "Only $60,000..."

H - "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

W - "Great! But before we hang up, something else..."

H - "What?"

W
- "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account
and. I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house
we had looked at last year. It's for sale!! Remember? The one with a
pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property."

H - "How much are they asking?"

W - "Only $450,000 - a magnificent price...and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..."

H - "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $420,000. OK?"

W - "OK, sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"

H - "Bye...I love you too..."

The man hangs up & closes the phone's flap. The other men are looking at him in astonishment and derision.

The husband raises his hand while holding the phone and asks "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

ERAP WISDOM #2

1. IF THE CAT IS AWAY, THE MOUSE IS ALONE.

2. IF OTHERS CAN DO IT, DON'T HELP

3. DON'T TALK TO STRANGERS IF YOUR MOUTH IS FULL

4. DON'T COUNT THE EGGS IF IT IS NOT YOURS.

ENGLISH TEACHER BANS STUDENTS FROM SPEAKING
TAGALOG IN CLASS.

YOUNG ERAP WANTS TO GO TO THE BATHROOM
URGENTLY.

ERAP: FATHER, MOTHER , I

TEACHER : WHAT?

ERAP : FATHER , MOTHER , I

TEACHER : WHAT , WHAT ?

ERAP : TATA - INA - AKO ( did you get it?)

Boy: Ready ka na?
Girl: Oo pero wag mong biglain
Boy: Sige, tanggalin mo na
Girl: Baka masakit
Boy: Hindi, ipapasok ko na
Girl: Ay, dahan-dahan lang
Boy: Masikip kasi
Girl: Ibang shoes na lang!

very nice there bai...

Speaker: Who among you have an experience making love with a
ghost? (An old man raised his hand.)

Speaker: Really?! How does it feel to have sex with a ghost?
Old man: Ay, akala ko goat.